


Let Me Love You

by Lyndsey08



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Age Difference, Anxiety Disorder, Break Up, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Freeform, Getting Together, Headaches & Migraines, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Other, Romance, Smut, Trans Male Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Trans Male Character, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:40:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25740721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyndsey08/pseuds/Lyndsey08
Summary: When Virgil attends a poetry slam one evening, he's just hoping to relax.  He's definitely not expecting Janus Sanders to walk in and change his life forever.  Janus shows Virgil how wonderful falling in love can be, even when life tries to break them apart.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is almost entirely based on my relationship with my husband from how we met at college and through a variety of first experiences. It definitely started out while I was just thinking about Virgil sitting inside a coffee shop and somehow things went from there. Also, I'm not trans but one of my best friends is, so if there's anything that's really inaccurate please let me know so I can change it! I definitely have a weak spot for hurt/comfort as well as Virgil/Janus, there's just something about it that brings me happiness!

Virgil ducked his head against the icy wind that whipped all around him. Tugging his hoodie closer around himself, he let his thoughts drift to all of the things that still needed to be completed this week for school: 4 papers, 2 online quizzes and getting started on a project for his art class. Sighing, he tried to remind himself that this poetry slam was supposed to be a way to relieve his stress, not add to it and he smirked to himself.

Stepping through the coffee shop door, he quickly scanned the room filled with plush couches, armchairs and small, high top tables. Eyeing a spot in the back corner, he took a deep breath and walked up to order a coffee. Once his coffee was in hand, he made his way quietly through the shop and slipped into the chair. The lights were dimmed as the artists hosting the poetry slam set up and adjusted microphones, a small table and a high stool on the tiny stage. 

Virgil sighed, enjoying the scent of strong coffee and baking pastries before he dug into his shoulder bag at his feet. He grabbed a pencil and his sketchbook and let himself get lost in the lines and shading of his drawing. Half an hour later, the coffee shop was nearly full of other people waiting for the poetry slam to begin. Most of them seemed to be college aged but there were a few people here and there that seemed a little older, much to Virgil’s surprise. 

At one point, Virgil realized that the baristas were helping bring out more chairs based on the number of people continuing to file inside the shop. ‘Breathe’, he told himself, ‘you don’t have to talk to anyone, they’re all here to listen to the poetry, you don’t even have to make eye contact, calm down.’ He closed his sketchbook and folded one leg under himself in the armchair.

“Is this seat taken?” a deep voice asked and Virgil looked up, startled from his internal pep talk. He glanced up to see a tall man dressed in a black suit looking at him. 

Virgil shook his head, “Nope, go for it,” he said quickly, eyes raking across the other man’s face. He seemed older than a student but damn, he was handsome. His skin was olive toned and his hair was dark and wavy. There was a long, thin scar that cut through his left eyebrow and down onto his cheek. He looked familiar, but from where?

Virgil heard the other man asking him something and he shook himself, realizing he’d been staring like an idiot. 

“Sorry, what?” Virgil asked lamely. The man had an uncertain look in his green eyes and Virgil quickly explained, “Sorry I, um, I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before?”

“Oh, you never know, it’s a big campus,” the other man conceded, sliding onto the chair next to Virgil, “are you a student here?”

Virgil took a breath and nodded, “Yep, I’m in the graphic design program,” he explained, wrapping his hand around his coffee, wanting something to do with his hands to not feel awkward. 

“Are you a student here?” he added after a pause.

“Oh, I wish I was still a student here,” the man laughed, “I’m a lawyer, but I occasionally assist with a few of the intro classes for the law school over on West Green in some of my buddy’s classes.”

“Cool,” Virgil said, cringing inwardly. 'Smooth, Virgil.'

“Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself, I’m Janus,” the man said, introducing himself and holding out a hand to Virgil. His smile was easy and his eyes were a brilliant green. 

“Virgil,” he replied, moving his hand out to grasp Janus’ in a handshake. Janus’ hand was large and the skin was soft as it brushed against Virgil’s. 

“Nice to meet you, Virgil,” Janus said, grinning, “So are you here to perform some poetry?”

Virgil shook his head, “Oh, no way, I’d be way too nervous to ever do that,” he explained, “I just thought it would be relaxing to come listen.” After a moment’s pause he asked, “Are you here to perform your poetry?”

“Nope, just thought it’d be relaxing,” Janus agreed, flashing bright white teeth as he smiled at Virgil, “seems like I’m in good company for that.”

Virgil felt his cheeks flush, ‘God, this man was so hot’.

They talked easily for several minutes before the first poet sat on the stool in the middle of the stage. 

Virgil caught himself looking at the older man often throughout the poetry slam, and as they talked quietly in between poets performing on the stage.

When it was over, both men stood and walked outside. “This was fun, hopefully I’ll see you around campus sometime, Virgil,” Janus said, grinning.

“Yeah, I hope so,” Virgil agreed, shoving his hands into his hoodie pockets. He was about halfway to his apartment on the other side of campus when he realized he felt lighter and more relaxed than he had in weeks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Virgil reconnect and have their first date.

Virgil was lost in thought as he listened to music, walking across campus. ‘Okay, I need to try and finish that project tonight. I’ll get better sleep if I just get it over with,” he mused to himself, sighing at the amount of work that the project required. 

He walked past the bus stop for his apartment, not wanting to be that close to anyone right now. Trying to smile and be a normal human for the entire day always made him feel exhausted but today it was hitting him particularly hard. Severe social anxiety mixed with depression was a bitch like that. His mind felt tired and he focused on the simple task of putting one foot in front of the other as he continued walking. His chest was beginning to ache, a sure sign that his anxiety was starting to physically affect his body.

Looking up as he neared a crosswalk, he noticed he was nearing the law building and found the barest hint of a smile on his face. It had been about 2 weeks since the poetry slam and he hadn’t forgotten the handsome man with whom he’d spent the evening.

Moving to walk past the building, Virgil glanced up and saw Janus coming out of the building, talking on his cell phone, a smart looking bag slung across his shoulders. 

‘Oh shit! Good timing loser, now he’d going to think that you’re stalking him,’ Virgil’s inner voice chastised. The other man noticed Virgil and did a double take before grinning and waving. Janus started walking towards Virgil, who steeled himself mentally and took his headphones off, resting them around his neck.

“Hey! Virgil, right?” Janus asked, running a hand through his wavy hair.

“Yeah, Janus?” Virgil answered, trying to sound casual. His hands inside the pockets of his black and purple patchwork hoodie were clenching over and over anxiously.

“It’s nice to see you again, how have you been?” Janus asked, crossing his arms and leaning back against the stone wall of the garden outside the building as his green eyes fixed on Virgil’s dark gray ones.

“Uh, I’m good, I just got out of class,” Virgil said, willing himself to breathe, ‘You can talk to him and be a normal person who isn’t anxious for 5 minutes,’ “How have you been?”

“Can’t complain, just busy,” Janus replied, “So where are you headed now?”

“Back to my apartment before the rain hits, I need to go finish up a project for one of my art classes,” Virgil said, shifting on his feet and digging his fingernails into the skin of his palms as he struggled to breathe normally.

“Sounds like a very fun time,” Janus deadpanned, still smiling. They stood in comfortable silence for a few moments before he ran a hand through his hair before he continued, “This might be totally off the mark but, would you maybe want to go grab some dinner?”

Virgil felt the air inside his lungs seize. ‘Oh my God, does he mean like go eat dinner on a date? Or does he just mean as friends?’ “Um, dinner?” he heard himself ask lamely. ‘Jesus, Virgil, you should just go jump in front of a car in the street!’ his inner voice whispered insidiously.

“Yeah, you know, that thing where you go eat food and talk?” Janus teased, still smiling and somehow endeared by Virgil’s nervousness.

“That’s…I mean, uhh,” Virgil stammered, “I’d like that but…I really do need to go home and finish my project, I’m a little nervous I won’t get it finished before it’s due.”

“Oh, no worries,” Janus answered, his face falling a little bit.

“Actually, would you maybe wanna take a rain check? I swear I’m not blowing you off, I really am nervous I won’t get my project finished, that’s all. I’m…really glad we ran into each other again,” Virgil explained quickly, feeling his cheeks flush as he spoke.

Janus looked thoughtful for a moment before he said, “Sure, should we exchange numbers?”

“Sounds good,” Virgil answered, digging out his phone.

***

Janus: Hey Virge, how’s your day going?

Virgil: not too bad, you?

Janus: Long, but thankfully almost over!

Virgil: amen, lol

Janus: You busy tonight?

Virgil: nope, why what’s up?

Janus: Wondered if you maybe wanted to order food and watch Netflix on the couch?

Virgil: yeah, sounds great, what time?

Janus: I can come pick you up at 6:30 on my way home, we could come back to my place?

Virgil: sure, I’ll see you then!

***  
Virgil was pacing around the apartment, sweating bullets as he waited for Janus to come pick him up. For their date, holy shit he was about to go on a date. ‘Why did I say yes to this? He’s all suave and handsome and older and accomplished and you’re…well you.’ This train of thought continued for a long while as Virgil continued to pace anxiously.

Janus surprised Virgil by knocking on his door instead of texting him when he reached his apartment. “Hey, Jan, you didn’t have to come all the way up here,” Virgil laughed, moving to grab his bag and sling it over his shoulder.

“Now what kind of date would I be if I didn’t come to your door, Vee?” Janus said, placing his hand on his chest and pretending to look affronted, but smiling.

They walked down the stairs and Janus led Virgil to a black Lexus, opening the passenger side door for him. “Thanks,” Virgil said, feeling his cheeks flush as he slid into the seat.

Janus walked around and slid into his own seat. They chatted easily on the drive across town and out beyond the edge of town.

***

“Here, go ahead and make yourself at home,” Janus said, gesturing to his huge living room, “I’m gonna go change really fast, think about where you’d like to order food,” he added squeezing Virgil’s shoulder gently before turning to walk up the stairs.  
Half an hour later they were sitting on the plush gray couch, a pizza ordered and scrolling through the titles on Netflix.

“Vee, your hands are shaking, you alright?” Janus noticed, taking the closest hand and brushing his thumb over the back of Virgil’s knuckles. 

“No, yeah I’m fine,” Virgil tried to reassure him, heart fluttering as Janus took his hand. He tried to take a deep breath inconspicuously. 

Janus looked at him and didn’t seem convinced, “Is this too much, I can move over there if I’m in your personal space,” he teased gently, indicating the other end of the couch.

“No Jan, it’s fine, I swear, I’m just...always so nervous around you,” Virgil clarified, flushing and ducking his head. 

“Like, a good nervous? Or ‘oh my God this guy is a total creep’ nervous?” Janus clarified, laughing gently.

“Definitely a good nervous,” Virgil laughed reassuringly, lightly squeezing the hand wrapped around his own.

“Okay,” Janus conceded, sitting back. 

“Jan, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, go for it.”

“I don’t mind at all. And it might be weird to ask you this but...I was just kinda wondering…how old are you? I mean, I know you’re older than me but I just wondered how much?” Virgil asked, sounding embarrassed.

“I’m 32, I’ll be 33 in March,” Janus answered, “And I’m guessing you’re what, 21...22?”

“I’m 20,” Virgil said, looking down and picking at a thread on his artfully ripped jeans, “I didn’t mean for that question to be weird I just was thinking about it earlier today and realized I’ve never thought to ask,” he explained.

“It’s okay, Vee,” Janus said, “Does the age difference bother you at all?” His green eyes locked on Virgil’s as he spoke, a soft smile on his lips.

“No! No I just, I really just stopped and wondered about it today,” Virgil quickly said. “Does it bother you?” he added.

“I feel like once you’ve made it to college, differences in age aren't nearly such a big deal as they are earlier in life,” Janus said carefully.

“I feel like I made this weird,” Virgil said softly, kicking himself internally.

“No, it’s perfectly fine, Vee,” Janus reassured him. He looked down at their entwined hands for a long moment before he said, “I was going to ask you later tonight but…if you’re looking for something casual that’s fine but, I was hoping you’d want to start dating?” For the first time Virgil could remember, Janus looked unsure of himself and it was a stark contrast to his usual calm, collected demeanor and Virgil laughed before he could stop it.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look unsure about anything, Jan,” Virgil explained quickly, reaching out to run a hand along Janus’ arm at the confused look on the older man’s face, “I’d really like to date you,” he added, flushing.

Janus laughed too, looking relieved, “To be completely honest Virge, you seem to be the only person who has the ability to make me nervous,” he said, feeling his own cheeks flush at the words.

“We can just be nervous together then,” Virgil teased him as the nervousness in his stomach settled slightly.

“Sounds like a plan,” Janus agreed, taking both of Virgil’s hands in his own, “And before it occurs to you and you get even more nervous, I have every intention of actually watching Netflix with you tonight and hanging out, not like the euphemism,” he added, squeezing his hands lightly.

“Oh my God, that does make me less nervous,” Virgil laughed, smiling.

They sat in comfortable silence for a long moment before Virgil added shyly, “Though I definitely wouldn’t be opposed to kissing you tonight.”

Janus’ smile was blinding, “I’m happy to oblige,” he said, taking Virgil’s face in his hands and leaning forward slowly. Virgil leaned forward and met him halfway, brushing their lips together. 

Virgil smiled against his lips and reached up to cup Janus’ cheek, pulling him a little closer. Realizing Virgil wasn’t panicking like he’d worried about, Janus took a chance and started running soft fingertips along his neck and across his shoulders. Virgil let out a surprised noise but pressed closer, sliding over until his leg was pressed up against the other man on the couch. He reached up to card his fingers through the older man’s hair and tugged it gently, changing the angle, making Janus gasp against his lips.

“Vee,” he breathed, pulling away to take a breath.

“Hmm?” Virgil asked, his hands still tangled in the other man’s hair.

“I don’t want to take this too fast...or scare you off,” Janus explained, carding his fingers lightly through Virgil’s dark hair, sweeping it away from his face, “I really like you, I don’t want to mess anything up.”

Virgil hummed and gently took one of Janus’ hands in his own. “I agree, we shouldn’t move too fast but you’re definitely not going to scare me away,” he grinned.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil tells Janus about his gender identity and they explore new aspects of their relationship.

The couple sat on the couch, the pizza long discarded on the coffee table. They were about 15 minutes into a horror movie and a loud noise on the screen made Virgil jump. 

He immediately laughed at himself, “Sorry, it doesn’t take much,”. Janus was biting his lip in an effort to not laugh and gave up his efforts upon hearing Virgil’s words.

“So why did you pick a horror movie?”

“I really like them! I’m just also incredibly anxious about life in general so jumping at loud noises just kinda comes with the territory. I’ve just accepted it,” Virgil shrugged.

“That’s...kinda strange, not gonna lie,” Janus teased, elbowing the younger man affectionately. 

“If I wanted your opinion I would have asked for it,” Virgil quipped while trying to hide his smile.

Janus held out an arm, “You should let me cuddle you in case another loud noise comes on later,” he said.

Virgil rolled his eyes but snuggled up against Janus without protest. About halfway through the movie, Virgil found himself becoming much more interested in the man sitting next to him than what was taking place on the screen. He glanced up and caught Janus looking back at him. Janus’ eyes flickered from Virgil’s mouth to his eyes and back again. Virgil inched a little closer, holding his breath as he waited to see what would happen next.

Janus leaned forward slowly and cupped Virgil’s cheek, brushing his thumb across the flushed skin gently. Their lips pressed together in a sweet kiss and Virgil heard himself sigh quietly. Virgil shifted his body closer on the couch and carefully fisted one hand into Janus’ shirt. 

“You okay?” Janus questioned softly, pulling back slightly to look down into Virgil’s gray eyes. 

Virgil nodded and grinned, “I’m great, Jan,” he said as he leaned back in to kiss the older man again. 

Janus smiled against Virgil’s mouth and deepened the kiss, carding one hand through his soft brown hair. Virgil opened his lips and Janus dipped his tongue inside, teasing and tasting. Virgil moaned quietly and they shifted closer, thighs pressing together. Heat curled in Virgil’s stomach and he snaked one hand into the back of Janus’ wavy brown hair. The older man moaned and pressed his hands against Virgil’s waist. He gently tugged at his hips and Virgil took the hint, allowing himself to be pulled up onto Janus’ lap. Straddling Janus’ thighs, Virgil looked down and lightly traced his fingertips across his cheek. 

“Hi,” he murmured, smiling down at his boyfriend. 

“Hi,” Janus replied, carefully running his hands up and down Virgil’s thighs.

Virgil leaned down to capture his lips again and after several moments he rolled his hips tentatively. He heard Janus gasp and roll his hips up to meet Virgil’s while his tongue explored his mouth. After a long while, Virgil felt fingertips grazing along his skin under the hem of his black shirt. 

“Can I help you?” he teased, pulling back to look down into Janus’ green eyes. 

“Just exploring,” Janus answered easily, his fingertips still tracing lightly, “Is this okay? Too much?” he continued seriously. 

“No, you’re fine,” Virgil insisted, reaching out to toy with the top button of Janus’ yellow button up shirt as he spoke. 

“Virge, seriously there’s no pressure to do anything, okay?” Janus said seriously, cupping the younger man’s cheek. 

“I know, I’m fine,” Virgil laughed, “Are you alright?”. 

Janus nodded, “I just don’t want to push you too quickly,” he reiterated quietly. 

“I mean, I don’t think I’m quite ready to have sex yet, but making out has been okay,” Virgil admitted, feeling his cheeks flush. 

“That’s perfectly fine, Virge, it’s probably a little fast for that right now, anyway,” Janus reassured him, smiling.

For some reason, it felt like the perfect opening for Virgil to tell him about his gender identity. Something just felt right. He took a deep breath and ran his hands lightly down Janus’ chest. 

“So...speaking of having sex, there’s something about that we should probably talk about before anything else happens,” Virgil said quietly, internally steeling himself to say everything aloud. 

“Okay?” Janus answered, looking up at him and waiting patiently.

Virgil took a very deep breath to steady himself, “I’m transgender, and I was born a female but I identify as a male,” he said, hating how his voice immediately started shaking. “I wasn’t trying to trick you into thinking I’m someone I’m not but...I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you and you seem pretty chill with things like that based on the conversations we’ve had together. I didn’t want to tell you unless we ended up dating because...it’s just been really awkward in the past, you know?”

Janus blinked several times before shaking his head slightly to clear his thoughts before he spoke. 

“Wow, Virge, I never would have guessed,” he traced his finger tips lightly over Virgil’s jawline, “Thank you for telling me that, baby. May I ask you a question?” 

Virgil held his breath and nodded. “I’m assuming you’ve been taking testosterone? At least for awhile?” Janus was smiling and didn’t seem to be freaking out, so Virgil nodded and continued speaking a little faster.

“Yeah, I’ve been taking testosterone for almost 2 years. And I really wasn’t trying to hide anything from you, I just wanted to make sure this had a real shot of working out before I told you anything because...the last time I dated someone, as soon as I told them, they were completely disgusted and broke up with me.” Virgil felt breathless by the end of his explanation as he searched Janus’ green eyes for any hint of distain. 

Janus smiled, “It’s perfectly alright, Virge. I don’t feel tricked at all but I am glad you told me so I wasn’t surprised if we ever have sex.”

The younger man stiffened at his words. “I mean...are you okay with it? That my body is still technically kind of...female?” Virgil asked tentatively, unconsciously shifting back a little bit in the other man’s lap. “For right now anyway…I’m hoping to have transition surgeries in the future.”

“Yes! Oh, baby it’s totally fine, I promise. I just meant that I’d hate to be surprised and not have whatever we needed on hand so you’re comfortable and we can be safe,” Janus reassured the younger man earnestly. “Anything else I should know about you?”

Virgil breathed a sigh of relief and shook his head, “Not anything that I can think of off the top of my head,” he smiled. 

Janus grinned and leaned up to kiss the other man tenderly before pulling back, “Well, would you like to know how I got the scars on my face?” he asked, “That’s probably the biggest thing I can think of to tell you about myself.”

Virgil’s eyes widened and he nodded. “I was running through the park in the morning and I saw a woman sort of laying on the ground on the main path. I ran over to see if she was hurt or needed any help. She’d twisted her ankle and said her dog had come off his leash and could I help find him.” Janus took a deep breath before continuing. “Uhh, let’s just say it wasn’t very hard to find her dog because I started to get off the ground and he found me first.” Something in Janus’ bright green eyes shifted but he continued speaking. “I think maybe he thought I was hurting his owner because he lunged up and knocked me over then clawed and bit the shit out of my face.”

“Oh, Jan, I bet that was terrifying,” Virgil said softly. Janus nodded, “She said he’d never been violent before but something obviously set him off that day. I went to the hospital but some of the marks were fairly deep and this is as much as they’ve healed.” He looked up for a long moment at Virgil before speaking again. “You seem to not be too terribly bothered by my scars?” he asked. 

The younger man shook his head, “No, I’m not...actually, the first time I saw you up close in the coffee shop I thought they made you look rugged and handsome,” Virgil blushed as he spoke. He leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to a large part of the scar that cut through the other man’s eyebrow.

Janus smiled, “I just feel like you and I really click, you know? I don't feel any less attraction for you now that I know you were physically born as a female and you’ve started transitioning. You’re still funny, kind, intelligent, passionate and very beautiful,” he leaned forward to kiss Virgil for a moment. “I’m still very excited to be dating you, Virge, you’re pretty great.”

Virgil felt his cheeks flush even darker, “Thanks, and I agree with you, I feel like we just kind of...fit together in a lot of ways,” he said softly. Janus’ smile was blinding, and he reached up to kiss Virgil more firmly this time. After a long moment, they pulled apart and Janus laughed as they both heard Virgil’s stomach growl. “How about we order some dinner and then watch movies on the couch?” Janus asked, “And we can revisit this lovely situation later or some other time,” he continued, gesturing between their bodies and kissing Virgil one last time.

***

Several dates later they found themselves on the couch in a very similar position and they were kissing deeply. Virgil could feel heat sparking throughout his body as Janus’ strong hands traced over him. He could also feel Janus’ very hard cock rubbing up against him as he sat in his lap, both still fully clothed. Virgil rolled his hips and heard the older man moan as he thrust back up to meet his movements. 

“Wanna get rid of some of this?” Janus asked gently, tracing his hands up over Virgil’s black and purple hoodie. Grinning, Virgil nodded and unzipped his hoodie before shrugging it off his shoulders. He immediately reached down to unclasp the top button of Janus’ shirt. With each button Virgil unhooked, he leaned forward to brush his lips along the bared skin on the other man’s chest as more and more was exposed. 

Virgil felt fingertips trace along the skin underneath the hem of his t-shirt and he took a breath before tugging the purple fabric over his own head. Janus’s eyes quietly glanced over Virgil’s newly exposed skin before asking gently, “Your chest is so flat, have you had top surgery?” 

Virgil shook his head, “No I uhh, I’ve always had a small chest so I try really hard to lift weights at the gym to make my chest look...how I’d like it to look all the time,” he explained, suddenly feeling shy as he spoke the words aloud to his boyfriend.

Janus smiled, and leaned forward to press several kisses to the other man’s chest, “Beautiful,” he murmured. Virgil felt himself flush a shade of pink before catching the older man’s lips in another kiss. 

“Could we turn down the lights…?” he asked, feeling somewhat timid now that he was faced with the reality of taking his clothes off in front of this beautiful man. 

“Of course, here,” Janus replied, scooping the smaller man up off his lap and depositing him onto the couch cushion beside him.

Janus walked over the flip off the lights and the living room was cast in darkness, save for the light of the television. 

“Better?” he asked, coming to sit beside Virgil again on the couch. Virgil nodded and leaned forward to kiss Janus again, feeling bold and nibbling his lower lip. Janus pressed his tongue into Virgil’s mouth and gently lowered him onto his back against the cushions. Virgil spread his legs and allowed Janus to slot his body between them as they continued to kiss by the light of the television.

After a long while, their kisses became more frantic and Virgil tentatively reached out to rub his hand down between Janus’ legs, cupping his hard cock through the material of his jeans. Moaning, Janus ground his hips down against the man lying underneath him and they rocked together for several moments, feeling arousal and excitement bubbling inside his chest. 

When Virgil’s fingers found the button of his jeans, they unhooked it before slowly sliding down the zipper. Janus shrugged out of his jeans and when he was only in green boxers, he propped himself up to look at Virgil. “Is this alright, Virge?” Janus asked, waiting for an enthusiastic nod before slowly stripping off Virgil’s jeans.

Virgil felt his legs being pressed back further against his body as Janus settled in between them once more. Both men moaned at the feeling of Janus’ hard cock rubbing against Virgil’s pussy, the fabric growing damp as his slick pooled between his thighs. The younger man’s hands gripped Janus’ hips tightly and rolled his hips up against that wonderfully satisfying friction. After a while, he felt Janus move away and watched him dig in the drawer of an end table next to the sofa, pulling out lube and a condom. 

“Just wanted to have this on hand in case we needed it,” he explained quietly before kissing Virgil again, running one hand along the planes of the younger man’s body underneath his own. 

“What do you want, baby?” Virgil heard Janus ask, his voice a little husky as he moved to press kisses to the smaller man’s jaw and down his neck. 

Virgil’s mind was hazy as he focused on all of the wonderful sensations from being this close to the other man and after a moment to collect his thoughts he said, “Anything.” 

He heard Janus hum thoughtfully before propping himself up and slipping his boxers off. Virgil quickly slipped his own off, trying to remain calm as they pressed together again, skin on skin for the first time. Virgil heard a loud moan before realizing the sound had slipped out of his own mouth and his fingers gripped at the strong back of the man on top of him. 

Suddenly, he felt his body being flipped sideways and Janus was slipping behind him on the couch, spooning up against him, trailing kisses across his shoulder and neck. One strong arm looped around Virgil’s slim waist and Janus rocked against him gently. Virgil moaned as he relished the feeling of Janus rocking his hard cock against his ass and he pressed back against him. 

“May I touch you,” Janus whispered, hot breath tickling over Virgil’s ear due to their close proximity. 

“Yes,” Virgil said breathlessly, feeling excitement and nervousness warring inside his stomach as we waited to see what touch would be coming next. 

“Anywhere you don’t want me to touch?” Janus murmured into his ear, hot breath tickling Virgil’s neck and sending shivers down his spine. 

“No...I don’t think so,” The younger man answered, rubbing back against Janus’ hard body. 

Janus had grabbed the lube off the floor before they turned over and he popped the cap open with one hand. He squeezed some out onto his fingers before slowly reaching down between Virgil’s thighs. 

“If you are ever uncomfortable for any reason, tell me so I can stop, okay?” he whispered into the younger man’s ear. Virgil agreed and felt Janus’ fingertips gently trace along his pussy. Virgil gasped and thrust his hips when the blessedly slick fingers rubbed over his large clit. After several moments of stroking and teasing, Janus slipped his hand lower, circling around Virgil’s pussy before slowly teasing one finger barely inside.

Virgil moaned loudly and threw his head back, rubbing against the man spooned up behind him. He rarely pleasured himself because it always felt wrong somehow, and part of him slightly regretted that now because every feather light touch was setting him on fire. So many feelings swirled around Virgil’s body and he felt pleasantly overwhelmed. Janus pressed his finger inside gently but once it was all the way in he felt Virgil jump. 

“Baby, are you okay?” Janus asked gently but seriously, pausing his exploration for a moment.

“Yeah, that’s just umm...it kind of hurt for a second, I’m fine” Virgil said breathlessly. 

Janus leaned up to press kisses along Virgil’s shoulder and down his upper arm, “Should I stop?” he murmured, carefully pulling his fingers away.

“Uhh...no I really like it, I’m just not used to it. I don’t usually touch myself,” Virgil whispered breathlessly and he felt Janus stiffen behind him. 

He felt the large hand move to rest on his hip, “I just want you to feel good and be relaxed, baby,” Janus reassured him, “we don’t have to do anything.” 

Virgil was quiet for a long moment before asking, “What did you have in mind?” He felt Janus’ mouth curl into a smile against the skin of his shoulder. 

“I was just going to try and make you come with my hand,” he whispered before leaning forward to lick the shell of Virgil’s ear, “or with my mouth, totally up to you.” 

Virgil shivered and moaned before he could stop himself and turned to reach back and kiss the other man deeply. Arousal pulsed through his body, going straight to his clit and he flipped over so they were facing each other and he pressed his hips forward against Janus’ cock. “I mean, I’m up for whatever,” he breathed before kissing the other man fiercely once more.

“Well what’s been your favorite thing in the past?” Janus asked, his mouth brushing against Virgil’s kiss-swollen lips. 

There was a long pause before Virgil replied very quietly, “I...don’t really have anything to compare it to.” 

Janus pulled back a bit to look at Virgil, “Baby, have you done anything like this before?” he asked gently. 

Virgil shook his head, “I’ve always been too nervous to get past making out,” he explained quietly, feeling his cheeks flush. Janus hummed in thought for a moment before brushing Virgil’s bangs off his forehead. 

“And you’re really okay with this right now?” Janus questioned, feeling a burst of nervousness flare inside his own chest. 

Virgil nodded enthusiastically and Janus leaned in to kiss him tenderly. Then he pulled away and maneuvered the smaller man onto his back against the couch cushions. He slipped down Virgil’s body, pressing kisses along his stomach, along his hip bones and down to his thighs as he moved. Janus laid down on his front before gently adjusting Virgil’s legs up and over his shoulders. 

Janus moved forward and dragged his tongue along Virgil’s swollen clit, causing the younger man to cry out loudly, “Oh fuck!” 

Grinning, Janus began licking up and over Virgil’s clit, tracing over every bit of it with his tongue before adding one finger very gently into his dripping pussy. Virgil cried out, throwing his head back against the cushions and thrust his hips up involuntarily against the pleasure of both things happening simultaneously. Janus took his time, trying hard to pay attention to what movements of his tongue and mouth made Virgil arch into his touch or moan. He closed his mouth over his clit and sucked it into his mouth, and he felt Virgil’s walls tighten around him for a moment.

Judging by the sounds he was making and the amount of writhing against the cushions, Janus guessed Virgil was getting fairly close to an orgasm. He resumed licking Virgil’s pussy, trying to speed up his movements. Virgil was moaning a litany of praises and he tried very hard not to thrust up against Janus’ mouth. 

Heat began to rise inside his stomach and he yelped, “Jan I think... I’m- ” he broke off his sentence with an extremely loud moan as pleasure shot through his entire body. His pussy tightened around Janus’ finger over and over as Janus licked him through his orgasm until Virgil hissed at the sensitivity and tried to move away.

Virgil felt dazed but so incredibly wonderful and relaxed. He had his eyes closed as he lay back against the cushions. Once he recovered, he opened his eyes to look down and see Janus propping himself up over his chest, smiling. 

“That was...beyond amazing,” Virgil supplied tiredly and smiled when Janus laughed happily. 

“I’m glad,” Janus said, smiling and crawling up to lay beside Virgil again on his side. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm,” Virgil murmured, looking away from Janus’ bright green eyes, “it’s always felt too weird to touch myself for very long.” 

“Oh, baby,” Janus murmured, a hint of sadness in his voice as he wrapped the smaller man up into an embrace and kissed his forehead. They lay together in comfortable silence for a long while before Virgil suddenly sat up and realized Janus’ cock was still hard against his thigh. 

“Here, sorry I was distracted,” Virgil started to say as he moved down towards Janus’ cock. 

“Baby, I’m fine, we can try it some other time,” Janus reassured him as he gently stopped his movements with a hand on his shoulder.

Virgil blinked up at him, feeling confused. “But you’re still hard…” he trailed off. 

“I’ll be fine, I don’t want to overwhelm you with too many new things today,” Janus said, smiling and tugging the younger man closer against his chest, “I’m perfect just like this.” 

Virgil hummed happily, “Okay, if you’re really sure.” 

Tossing a blanket over both of their bodies, Janus reiterated, “I promise I’m fine.” He leaned in to press a tender kiss to Virgil’s lips, who sighed happily.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A migraine seriously interrupts a date and Virgil is positive he's ruined everything.

Virgil: hey Jan, what’s up?

Janus: Not much, just watching this storm outside, it’s ridiculous!

Virgil: yeah it really is, a huge thing of lightning hit one of the transformers over here, everyone’s out on their porches to see if something else will get struck by lightning a second time

Janus: Oh to be young and so easily entertained :D

Virgil: mmhmm, you wish you were still this young and beautiful ;)

20 minutes later

Janus: How’s the lightning going over there?

Virgil: It’s shitty lol

Janus: Why’s that?

Virgil: The power’s been completely knocked out for like the last hour, we all figured it would come back on by now. There’s a few people playing drunk tackle football in the courtyard with glow necklaces so THAT’S very entertaining.

Janus: Oh Virge, I’m sorry the power’s been out that long! Do you have all of your work for school finished up?

Virgil: I was pretty close to finishing an art sketch but that’s out the window for now, it was a lesson about shading and I had some lamps set up around a cluster of objects on my table. I’m not worried, I’ll get it done whenever it comes back on.

Virgil: hey! I meant to ask, how’s your deposition going?

Janus: Finishing touches on it tomorrow I think!

Janus: Vee, I’d be happy to come and pick you up.

Virgil: Huh? Why?

Janus: Because you have no power…? And mine is still on?

Virgil: Oh Jan, you don’t have to do that. I’ll be okay. <3 It’ll probably come back on by tomorrow.

Janus: Still seems like a shitty way to spend your Friday night, sitting in the dark...

Virgil: I’m in my true aesthetic, I can finally live out my vampire fantasies :D

Janus: You’re ridiculous :)

Virgil: Thanks, I do try so hard! ;)

Janus: Alright, let me propose something different… I could come pick you up, you could bring your school things and pack some clothes and come stay with me for the next few days. We could finally marathon that new aliens thing on Netflix?

Virgil: I don’t want to impose though…

Janus: Vee, I offered :) And you could never impose on me, I love it whenever you’re around. I won’t be pushy, I just want you to know I’d love to have you.

Virgil: If you’re sure…?

Janus: Positive :)

Virgil: Okay, I’ll pack my things up. Text me when you’re here and I’ll come out so you don’t have to get out of your car in this storm.

Virgil: And thanks Jan <3

Janus: My pleasure, Vee, I’ll see you soon <3

***  
Janus: I’m in the parking lot, are you sure you don’t need help carrying things down, Vee?

Virgil: Nah, I’m good, be right down!

Virgil dashed through the wind and heavy rain, his head angled down against them as he reached Janus’ Lexus. Janus had reached across the seats and opened the door for his boyfriend, who jumped in quickly, holding his bag to his chest. 

Shutting the door behind him, Virgil looked over and smiled, “Hey,” he said, stomach fluttering as it always did whenever he was around the other man. 

“Hi there,” Janus grinned back, leaning over to peck him lightly on the lips. 

“Thanks for offering to come rescue me,” Virgil said, clicking his seatbelt and settling back into the seat, shaking his damp hair out of his eyes.

“Like I said before, I’m always thrilled to have you around, Vee, it’s really no big deal,” Janus answered, reaching over to squeeze the younger man’s hand fondly. They talked comfortably on the drive across town, noticing how badly the storm was rendering tree branches and powerlines. Many houses were dark, presumably with no power. Janus drove up to his house and pulled into his garage, shutting the door behind him. He held the door open for Virgil as they walked inside.

“What kind of table do you need to set up for your drawing?” Janus asked, “Not that you have to do it right now, I just wanted you to know we can set it up anywhere you’d like,” he added quickly, blushing slightly.

Virgil laughed, “You’re fine Jan, calm down,” lovingly nudging him with an elbow. “That table over there would actually be perfect..?” He gestured to the other side of the room.

Janus’ spacious living room had a large L-shaped couch in front of a flatscreen mounted to the wall on one end and several tall bookshelves built into the remaining three walls. Another corner had two cozy armchairs and a small square table. “Sounds good, do you need anything else?”

“Nope,” Virgil answered, reaching up on his tiptoes to kiss the taller man’s cheek, “this is great, thanks, Jan.” He walked over and placed his bag on one of the chairs before turning back to Janus. “You’re right though, I could work on this later and just be with you for right now…?” Virgil trailed off, looking up at Janus.

The older man smiled, “Wanna go watch the storm?” he asked, inclining his head towards the doors that opened out onto a covered balcony. Virgil grinned and tugged his black and purple patchwork hoodie on, “Yep!”

Several minutes later the two men were curled up on the outdoor couch, wrapped in a blanket and snuggled against each other. They watched the lightning and listened to the steady fall of rain as they discussed how their respective days had been, and trailing off about random topics. Virgil secretly loved how easily they could always have a conversation about literally anything, and he liked to think it hopefully helped Janus see him as a mature adult. Once in a while, Virgil’s anxious thoughts would get the best of him and he would worry about their age difference and how although the two men were similar in many ways, they did have their differences at times. 

A long while later, Janus questioned if Virgil had eaten dinner yet, and offered to cook something for them. “We could divide and conquer,” Virgil pointed out, “I could finish my drawing while you cook and then we’ll be free to just chill?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Janus grinned, pressing a kiss to the younger man’s forehead before moving to the kitchen. Virgil pulled one of the armchairs a little closer to the table and after consulting the picture he’d taken on his phone earlier, he carefully set up the pile of random objects and placed two small desk lamps on either side to cast the shadows as similarly as the first time he’d set it up earlier this afternoon. Shrugging off his hoodie so he wouldn’t get lead on his sleeves, he sat back and propped his sketchbook on his knees. He worked for several minutes before smiling as he heard Janus singing quietly to himself in the kitchen. 

‘God, even his voice is sexy,’ Virgil thought as he continued drawing. He saw black dots flash in front of his vision for a moment and he blinked rapidly. 

‘Weird,’ he thought as he shifted in his chair to continue working. 

Several minutes later, the black dots returned, mostly occurring in his right eye and he carefully tried rubbing it, hoping to not smear his eyeliner. 

“Ten minutes, Vee,” he heard Janus call. Shaking his head, Virgil reached for his sharpener and twisted his pencil several times, mentally choosing which place to continue drawing next on the page. Suddenly, pain exploded in the right side of his forehead and behind his eye. He sucked in a sharp breath, feeling like he’d been hit with a heavy object as his head began to throb violently. He closed his eyes and pressed one hand up to his eye, feeling nausea curl in his stomach. 

He had chronic migraines, at least 12-15 each month but they were usually fairly easy to treat with a prescription. They also followed a pattern and he was quite familiar with the onset of symptoms: a dull ache on one side of his forehead which increased in its intensity over about an hour, followed by a neck ache, eye pain, sensitivity to lights and sounds and eventually the pain would all begin to throb in all those areas. But they never came on this suddenly and certainly never this violently. 

Virgil could recall two times when the pain had gotten so severe he’d needed to procure a shot from his neurologist but those had both been many hours after the migraines had begun. He took a deep breath and leaned forward instinctively, hand still clutching his forehead as his brain threatened to burst out of his head. Several moments later, he tried to take his hand away from his face and opened his eyes. He immediately squinted and felt a spark of nausea at the brightness of the lights in the room. ‘No, don’t let this happen here,’ he thought desperately.

‘Your bag! Grab your prescription out of your bag!’ he thought suddenly. He carefully moved to grab his bag, now placed on the floor, and he heard Janus’ voice calling, “Vee, it’s ready!” Virgil opened his mouth to answer but the only sound that came out was quiet. His fingers fumbled for the zipper of his bag and he leaned over a bit more to dig his hand into the bottom for his prescription. 

Suddenly, his world was churning violently and he gagged as his body betrayed him. In slow motion, he felt himself slip forward out of the chair and onto the floor, landing on his side. ‘I’m going to die,’ he thought, ‘it shouldn't hurt this much...’ He heard Janus exclaim loudly and felt strong hands on his shoulder and hip. Virgil was still clutching the right side of his face, feeling the room spin as the pain continued to throb. He could hear Janus speaking but couldn’t quite make out the words. 

“Migraine,” he tried to explain but heard his speech slur and the word was unintelligible. Janus was panicking, asking him what had happened and worrying he was having a stroke or something. Virgil reached out to grip Janus’ hand tightly, “Mi-migraine,” he slurred, panting at the effort to speak. Janus’ lovely face was spinning as he looked up at him from where he lay on the floor. He slowly tried to reach for his bag again before Janus hurriedly asked, “Baby, what do you need, what can I get you?” 

“Shot...” Virgil groaned, and watched as Janus thought over the slurred words. Suddenly he mentally connected the pieces together and dug through the bag until he found a shot in a prescription box. 

Reading as quickly as possible, Janus read over the directions before exclaiming, “You’re having a migraine!” as he realized what was happening. 

Virgil winced at the loud exclamation and held out the hand not desperately clutching at his forehead. Janus apologized softly before looking down at the box. He frowned and read the box instructions quickly before he said, “Baby, you can’t give this to yourself, let me help you, where should I put it?”

Virgil had to stop and think very hard before he tapped Janus’ thigh, hoping he’d understand that he obviously meant the shot needed to be given in his own thigh. Janus took the shot out of it’s box and looked at Virgil for a moment, worry etched across his features. 

“I’m gonna slide down your jeans just a little bit, okay, Vee?” Janus said in what he hoped was a calming tone. He’d shoved the armchair away from them when he’d knelt down beside his boyfriend and he gently turned Virgil over and onto his back. The movement was slow and gentle but the movement made Virgil gasp as the throbbing intensified as the angle shifted and he heard himself whimper at the pain it caused. 

Shaking fingers popped open the button on Virgil’s jeans and Janus slid them down as carefully as possible to reveal the younger man’s thigh. He read the instructions one more time just to reassure himself before uncapping the shot. He quickly but carefully inserted the needle into the fleshiest part of Virgil’s thigh, a spot which was somewhat difficult to find because he was so slender everywhere on his body. Virgil moaned at the slight pain and closed both of his eyes. After several minutes he felt the beginnings of a glorious cool cloud settling inside his brain, trying to dull the throbbing pain.

He tried to reach out and squeeze Janus’ hand in thanks but his fingers felt too heavy. Virgil’s eyes fluttered closed and he slipped into unconsciousness. Janus gingerly placed an arm under Virgil’s knees and behind his shoulders before standing slowly and walking him over to the couch. 

He leaned down and laid Virgil against the cushions as gently as possible. Janus reached for a blanket folded on the back of the couch and draped it over the sleeping man. Pulling up an ottoman beside the couch, Janus plopped onto it so he could be close to his boyfriend when he woke up. He whipped out his phone to google the name of the shot and when he found the corresponding information on a website, he read that the medicine was intended to cause someone to sleep for at least an hour as it worked into their system.

Feeling slightly more reassured, Janus tucked his phone away before leaning forward to grasp Virgil’s hand, running his thumb over his knuckles. He left only to quickly grab some water for Virgil to have on hand when he woke up, but otherwise sat there for the entire hour holding his boyfriends’ hand and watching his sleeping form in case he showed any signs of distress. He chose to let him continue sleeping until an additional half hour had elapsed before gently brushing Virgil’s hair out of his eyes. “Virgil,” he said softly, tapping the younger man gently on his arm. 

Virgil opened his eyes groggily and blinked before glancing around. “Jan?” he asked, sounding confused as he met the other man’s eyes. 

“You had a migraine that seemed to come on quite suddenly, Vee. You needed a shot from your bag and then you fell asleep, so I moved you to my couch.” Janus explained. “How do you feel now?”

Stopping to think and glance around the room, the younger man blinked several times. “Better, I can function now,” Virgil said slowly, smirking as he covered both eyes with his hand and sighed deeply. “I’m so sorry,” he added suddenly, looking upset.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Vee. I was so scared until I realized what was happening, but you’re okay now,” Janus reassured him, smiling. “Can I get you anything?” he asked, extending the bottle of water as he spoke.

“This is good, thanks Jan,” Virgil said quietly, taking a tentative sip of water from the bottle. After several moments Virgil said, “Well now you know about my migraines, I’m just a delight, aren’t I?” he added self deprecatingly. 

Janus hushed him, kissing his cheek before saying, “Everyone has things that pop up in their life just to be obnoxious, this is just one of yours.”

Virgil felt his cheeks flush, “Thankfully, they’re hardly ever as bad or sudden as that one. I’ll just have a ‘regular’ kind of headache through at least tomorrow, maybe even on Sunday, too. But I can handle that!” he explained. 

Janus smiled, “I’m very glad it should be more manageable for the rest of the time.” He rubbed Virgil’s arm, “Would you like to go lay in bed?” he asked. Virgil agreed and started to sit up before realizing he was in his t-shirt and boxers, jeans nowhere to be found. 

“I just slid your jeans off the rest of the way off after pulling them down to give you the shot,” Janus explained, noticing Virgil’s confusion. 

The younger man hummed, “Makes sense...hey did you eat your dinner? I just realized I probably kept you from that.” Virgil asked, immediately feeling guilty. 

“I’ll eat when you’re all settled,” Janus smiled, “Don’t you want to eat?”

“I’m not sure I can deal with food right now, I’m sorry you made me dinner and I screwed it up…” Virgil said, flushing and feeling even more guilty. 

“Please try to not worry, Vee, I know it’s second nature to you but everything is perfectly fine, okay? Let’s get you upstairs.”

It was a very slow process but they eventually made it up the stairs and into Janus’ bedroom. He pulled back the covers for Virgil and helped him get situated. “I know it’s only 8:00 but I think I probably just need to sleep now,” Virgil said, “then I can be a normal human tomorrow and actually spend time with you. I’m sorry…” he added, unable to keep himself from apologizing.

Janus smiled, “That’s perfect,” he reassured him, “I might go put the leftovers in the fridge but then I’ll come back up and just read for a while until I go to sleep, as well. Or will reading bother you?”

“Nope, that sounds great,” Virgil said, yawning. Janus placed a bottle of water on the bedside table next to Virgil before leaning over to kiss his boyfriends’ forehead. Virgil caught him in a kiss before he pulled back to sit up and thanked him again.

Half an hour later, Janus was settled down on the other side of his bed with a book and he paused to look over at Virgil. He had turned in his sleep and was facing Janus, the lines of pain and worry that had been etched across his features were smoothed out now and Virgil looked peaceful. 

‘I’m so in love with you already,’ Janus thought before adjusting the covers around his boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A date being interrupted by a sudden severe migraine really happened when I'd been dating my husband for a few months in college. I'd never had one before and had no clue what was going on. I also was convinced that he'd never ask me out on a date again after falling asleep on his couch afterwards, but thankfully he did! A few months after the first one, I started having chronic migraines like the one Virgil experiences and started taking a shot to relieve the pain. The slurring of words and falling out of a chair happened during the first year I taught school, which was also quite an experience!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut!!! And two idiots admitting that they love each other.

They spent their Saturday lounging on the couch, binge watching a series about aliens and discussing how likely it was that aliens were really out in space. The rain had thankfully settled down during the night and the pattering against the windows in the background was comforting. 

Eventually, they moved to the kitchen to cook dinner together. Janus may or may not have gotten covered with flour after Virgil flicked some at him over the pizza dough in retaliation for a terrible dad joke. 

Once the pizza was in the oven, they sipped wine and attempted to clean up the mess from cooking. Virgil got distracted as he rinsed off a large bowl because Janus was standing behind him and nuzzled his neck. He laughed and pressed his body back against the taller man, smiling when strong arms came to wrap around his waist. Virgil turned his head to the side and caught Janus in an innocent kiss. The older man shifted slightly and Virgil moaned quietly as his tongue pressed inside to flick against his own, and he reached back to grip the back of Janus’ head, anchoring him in place. 

Hands slowly slipped underneath Virgil’s t-shirt and teased along his skin, which was quickly heating up. He sucked in a sharp breath and turned in the other man’s arms, resting his hands on Janus’ chest as he pressed closer. Virgil arched up against his hard chest and ground their hips together, happily discovering that Janus’ cock was hardening against him.

Both men had noticed the sexual tension hovering between them all weekend, but Janus had insisted they needed to wait until Virgil’s migraine went away completely before doing anything intimate. They’d been dating for 6 months and quite honestly, Virgil was shocked they hadn’t had sex yet. They’d gotten each other off with hands and mouths many times, but it had never gone any farther than that. 

One part of him deeply appreciated being romanced every step of the way so far and he’d been swept off his feet by Janus’ smooth charm and kind heart. The other part of him knew that they were waiting until it felt ‘right’, and they’d thankfully had the conversation many times since Virgil explained he was transgender. He also knew that he had fallen in love with the other man and suspected that Janus was waiting until he felt the love, as well. 

One night several weeks ago as they snuggled together on the couch, Janus had admitted he’d been engaged before several years ago to a man who later cheated on him before the wedding could take place. That betrayal of trust had left him with scars and he was scared to let anyone that close again.

‘You’re the first person I’ve felt something like this for in years, I used to think maybe my heart was just ruined. Then I met you at the coffee shop and after our first date I knew I had to get to know you better,’ he had whispered against Virgil’s hair reverently, ‘You’ve sparked something inside my heart, Vee’ Virgil hadn’t known what to say in response, so he snuggled closer and wrapped Janus in a tight embrace.

Now, Janus’ hands were on Virgil’s hips and the younger man jerked back to reality out of his reverie. He felt himself being lifted up and set on the edge of the counter and reached out to fist his hands in Janus’ shirt. Virgil pulled him close as Janus slotted between his thighs and looked up into bright green eyes. 

Seeing something in the other man’s eyes, “What is it?” Janus grinned.

Virgil blushed, “I was just thinking about how great this has been. I’m really happy I met you a few months ago, Jan,” he said quietly. 

Janus’ smile was blinding, “Oh Vee, I’m really happy we met, too,” he kissed Virgil gently and the smaller man felt heat curl pleasantly inside his stomach. 

“You’re pretty amazing,” Janus added quietly when he pulled back from the kiss. Virgil snorted, nudging him playfully. 

“I can hear you still thinking…” Janus teased, and Virgil realized his eyes were giving him away as he was lost in thought. He took a deep breath, ‘Was it the right time to say it? Was there ever a right time? What if he fucked everything up by saying it too early?’ 

“You know you can tell me anything,” Janus nudged gently, smiling as he raked his fingertips through Virgil’s brown and purple bangs.

“I’ve just been thinking...” Virgil started before trailing off. Maybe it was time to utilize the band-aid method, just do it! He traced one hand down Janus’ chest as he looked up into those bright green eyes that easily and often rendered him speechless. 

“I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you,” Virgil said quietly, feeling like time was moving slowly around them. 

Janus’ eyes widened slightly, “Really?” he asked breathlessly. 

Virgil nodded, “I just felt like you should know,” he explained, feeling his cheeks flush deeper.

Janus laughed and smiled brilliantly, reaching out to take Virgil’s hands in his own. “Oh Vee, I’ve been waiting to say it to you! I didn’t want to scare you off by saying it too early,” he explained gently, bringing one hand up to kiss the back of the skin lovingly. “I love you, too,” Janus said quietly, looking happier than Virgil could ever remember him being in the time they’d been dating. He leaned in and pressed their lips together in a sweet kiss, and Virgil sighed with giddy relief. Janus moved slightly and pressed light kisses over Virgil’s entire face, his forehead, cheeks, nose, making the younger man giggle. And then a timer on the oven rang out. 

“Hold that thought,” Janus sighed, reluctantly pulling away with one last kiss to his boyfriend’s lips. 

He pulled the pizza out of the oven and turned back to Virgil, “I would love to continue this conversation with you after dinner,” he said, still smiling and lifting him off the counter. “Sounds good,” Virgil agreed, feeling a little dizzy with happiness.

***

The topic from their previous conversation was purposely pushed aside as they ate dinner. Once dinner was cleaned up, a silence hung over the room and the two men looked at each other. 

Janus seemed to know what Virgil was thinking and reached out his hand in invitation, “Come on, we need to talk a little before anything happens.” Virgil slipped his hand into the other man’s and let himself be led into the living room. They sat next to each other and immediately reached for one another. 

“So,” Janus started, wrapping his arms around Virgil, “you seem like you’ve still got more on your mind?” 

Virgil nodded against his chest, gathering his thoughts before speaking. “You don’t know how relieved I am that you feel the same way. And I want you to know that I’m completely ready to have sex whenever you are, but we don’t have to until you feel like it’s right, too,” he said, feeling his cheeks flush.

“That’s good to know,” Janus replied, fingertips grazing over the skin of Virgil’s arm soothingly.

They sat in comfortable silence for a long while before Janus spoke up again. “Now that I think about it, I do have a question for you,” the older man asked.

“Go ahead,” Virgil urged him.

“Whenever we actually have sex, do you want me inside your pussy or your ass?” Janus asked seriously.

Heat shot through Virgil directly to his core and he shivered, “I definitely want to try both at some point,” he reassured him.

“Just wanted to check, I don’t ever want you to feel dysphoric. I know you’ve said you don’t very often but...I’d hate to trigger that for you,” Janus explained.

“Thanks,” Virgil murmured. He looked up at the taller man and traced his fingertips along the strong jawline. “Are we having sex tonight?” he asked finally, holding his breath as he waited for the answer.

Janus smiled, “If you’re ready, I’d be thrilled to make love to you tonight,” he said softly, leaning in to press a light kiss to Virgil’s lips.

Virgil melted against his touch and quickly reached up to tangle his hands in the other man’s hair. Eventually, he was able to pull himself away, “Please?” he asked quietly.

Janus grinned and stood up from the couch, holding out one hand to Virgil. He slipped his hand into Janus’ and was pulled to stand, as well. They quietly made their way up the stairs, down the hallway and into Janus’ bedroom. Janus tugged him aside before clicking the door shut. Turning back towards his boyfriend he wrapped his arms around his slight figure.

“Lights off?” Janus murmured against Virgil’s ear, anticipating the usual answer. 

Virgil nodded before saying, “Uhh, we could just do a lamp, maybe?” 

Janus grinned and nodded, moving across the room to switch on a lamp in the corner, casting the bedroom in a dim glow. Virgil moved into the en suite bathroom to wash his face, brush his teeth and most importantly give his mind a moment to collect itself. 

‘This doesn’t have to be scary,’ he told himself silently, looking over his reflection in the mirror. ‘He already knows what you look like and he said he loves you, too. He won’t get disgusted by you after all this time, it’ll be okay.’ Virgil leaned forward, hands against the counter and took several deep breaths before straightening and moving to the door.

When he returned, he heard music playing softly and he was thankful for the background noise. Janus was sitting on the bed, nibbling at his thumb nail anxiously and seemed lost in thought until Virgil moved toward him. The younger man noticed lube and several condoms sitting on the bedside table. He moved to sit next to his boyfriend on the bed, who took his hand gently. 

“We can always stop, no matter what, okay?” Janus said reassuringly, thumb brushing over the back of Virgil’s knuckles. 

“I promise I’ll say something,” Virgil answered, squeezing the hand holding his own. 

Janus took a deep breath and leaned forward to kiss Virgil gently, cupping his cheek. Virgil kissed back enthusiastically and they sat like that for a long while, silently calming each other down as their lips moved together. Virgil moved to undo Janus’ buttons on his shirt and the taller man shifted back slightly. When the last button popped loose, Virgil slid his hands against the skin of the other man’s shoulders and slid the shirt down his arms. Janus tossed it onto the floor and carefully reached out to tug Virgil’s t-shirt up and over his head. He moved back into the middle of the bed and pulled Virgil with him, urging him to lie down beside him. 

Janus kissed Virgil until he was breathless and felt wetness spreading between his thighs as the other man slowly took him apart. The other man obviously had more experience but Virgil kept reminding himself that it was fine, they were exploring each other and he’d just follow the other man’s lead. Strong fingers tugged down his skinny jeans but left his boxers in place, knowing that Virgil typically needed to work up to being completely exposed. 

Janus crawled back up Virgil’s body, pressing kisses along his legs and trailing up towards his thighs. The younger man closed his eyes and just let himself feel all of the wonderful sensations that were taking over his body. He heard himself sigh and blinked to find Janus’ face near his own, “Still alright,” the older man asked, unable to help himself from checking in on his boyfriend. 

Virgil nodded and ran his hands down Janus’ toned chest, smiling at the sharp intake of breath from the other man. His fingers found the button on the other man’s jeans and he kissed him deeply as he shoved the fabric down his boyfriends’ thighs, taking the boxers with them. The older man pressed his body against Virgil’s and the younger man’s eyes fluttered as he gasped at the feeling of so much skin on skin. 

He let Janus take control and press him back against the sheets, sliding their tongues together. Virgil moaned as Janus slotted their thighs together, moving to lick and bite gently down the other man’s neck to the junction of his shoulder. Janus’ cock was rock hard as he ground against Virgil’s thigh and the younger man felt his boxers growing wet as he became more aroused. Fingers were scraping down Janus’ back, and Virgil rolled his body up against the other man. 

Feeling bold, Virgil shoved his boxers down his thighs and tugged his boyfriend to lay between them. They both moaned as Janus’ cock rubbed against Virgil’s extremely sensitive clit. Their kisses turned fierce and Janus reached down to gently rub his fingertips against Virgil’s pussy, gathering some of the wetness before circling his clit. Virgil cried out and reached down to wrap his hand around the other man’s hard cock.

“Hang on, baby,” Janus whispered against his kiss-swollen lips before shifting to reach over and grab the lube and condoms, setting them on the bed beside him. He leaned back up to prop his body over Virgil’s and looked down at him. 

“I’d like to make you come at least once before I make love to you, baby, then you’ll be more relaxed,” Janus whispered against his ear and Virgil felt arousal shoot through his body and straight to his groin. 

“Please,” he whimpered, arching up to kiss Janus desperately before he could move away. 

Janus grinned and moved down to slot himself between Virgil’s legs and pressed featherlight kisses across his lower stomach and down to his thighs. He traced fingertips along the flushed skin and smiled when Virgil thrust up against him, chasing the pleasurable sensations. Once he had the man underneath him squirming against the sheets, Janus moved to barely lick his clit. 

Virgil cried out and moaned, “Jan, please!” Janus licked slowly up and down Virgil’s clit over and over, occasionally sucking the entire thing into his mouth. Virgil reached down to thread his fingers through Janus’ wavy hair, muttering nonsensical pleas as pleasure sparked throughout his body with every stroke of the other man’s tongue. 

Janus urged Virgil’s thighs up and spread them wider, bending them slightly before wrapping his arms around them and pulling him impossibly close. Virgil yelped as he felt Janus press his tongue inside his dripping pussy and he keened, breathing hard. After several moments, one slick finger pressed very slowly into his wet pussy and he moaned, “Please...fuck!” Janus moved his tongue back to licking Virgil’s swollen clit as his long finger pressed in and out of his pussy. Virgil’s body was shaking as pleasure started to set his skin on fire. He felt like he was getting close to an orgasm but then it fell away. 

He groaned in frustration and Janus looked up to meet his eyes, silently asking the question. “I felt like I was so close for a minute,” Virgil breathed, shifting. 

Janus smirked, “Okay, that’s great. Which feels better, my tongue on your clit or inside?” 

Virgil shuddered at the other man’s words as he whispered, “On my clit…” Janus immediately dove back into his pussy, licking it as quickly as possible and sucking here and there. 

He listened closely to Virgil’s noises and gripped his thighs, intent on his work. “Fuck...oh fuck, Jan...gonna come...please,” Virgil cried out desperately, his hips writhing against Janus’ tongue. He changed the angle of his hips and Janus licked Virgil’s clit quickly, flicking his tongue over the swollen flesh. Then Virgil was crying out and thrusting up against Janus’ tongue, pleas falling from his lips as his orgasm slammed into him. Janus licked him through his orgasm and felt fluid dripping down his chin. Virgil whined when he became too sensitive and Janus pulled back, scrubbing his hand over his face to get rid of some of the spit and come.

Virgil lay against the sheets, panting with his eyes closed and a smile on his lips. Janus lay down next to him and pressed a kiss to his shoulder, waiting for him to come back to himself. Virgil’s eyes fluttered open and he stared at Janus for a long moment before surging forward to kiss him, sliding his tongue inside and moaning at his taste clinging to the other man’s tongue. 

He broke apart, falling back against the pillows, “You’re incredible at that,” Virgil murmured. 

Janus grinned, “I love taking you apart piece by piece,” he whispered against his ear.

Virgil shuddered and sat up, moving to straddle his boyfriend, looking down at him. He rubbed his hips against Janus’ cock and Janus moaned as his slick pussy rubbed up and down his cock, aching as precome beaded at the head. 

“Can I suck you off now?” Virgil asked and Janus laughed, “Well you could, but if I get off I won’t be able to properly make love to you,” he explained. 

He laughed harder when Virgil pouted, “Fine, go for it, I’ll stop you when I get too close,” Janus reassured him. The younger man slid down the bed to lick up Janus’ cock from the base to the tip. He quickly took it into his mouth as deeply as he could, laving his tongue against the hard flesh in his mouth, loving how Janus was moaning happily. It was too big for him to get in his mouth completely, so he wrapped his hand around the base and moved it in time with the bobs of his head. 

Soon, Janus gripped his shoulder, “Too close,” he muttered and Virgil pulled back, his lips popping off the head of his cock.

Janus grinned at him and caught him in another kiss before moving to flip Virgil onto his back. The younger man’s breath caught as he watched the other man slip between his thighs and reach for the lube. He poured some onto his fingers and looked at Virgil’s eyes for confirmation. He nodded eagerly and watched as Janus pressed one finger in and moved it around, stretching Virgil’s pussy gently. He leaned forward to nip and lick the other man’s chest, grinning when Virgil whined happily. Janus slid a second finger inside and Virgil moaned, involuntarily moving his hips. When the other man moved to press a third slick finger inside Virgil stopped him. 

“I’m ready...I...I want to be tight for you, Jan,” Virgil said quietly, watching as Janus’ eyes widened and he breathed in sharply, “might as well use it to my advantage.” 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you,” Janus protested but Virgil just smiled. 

“Yep, I’m super relaxed, I’m ready for you,” he insisted, laying back against the pillows. Janus reached for a condom and rolled it over his hard cock. He gripped himself as he slicked his cock with lube before taking the rest and rubbing against Virgil’s wet pussy.

Janus leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend softly for several moments. 

Pulling back, he whispered, “I love you, Vee,” before gripping the backs of Virgil’s thighs and pressing them forward. 

“I love you, too, Jan,” Virgil said quietly, feeling as though his heart might burst. Janus took himself in hand and pressed the head of his cock against the opening of Virgil’s dripping pussy. Glancing at his boyfriend for permission one last time, he slowly pushed forward and moaned as the head of his cock pressed inside the tight heat. Janus leaned forward to brace himself up over Virgil, kissing him gently before Virgil nodded. Janus pressed farther into Virgil and halfway inside, the younger man winced in discomfort. Janus immediately stilled and rained kisses over Virgil’s face to distract him until he felt hands come up to grip his hips, urging him forward. Finally, Janus pushed his cock in as deeply as possible before lying still, panting while Virgil adjusted to the stretch.

“You okay, baby?” Janus murmured, shaking with the effort to not thrust inside the perfect heat surrounding his cock at the moment. 

Virgil nodded, “Yeah, it’s not bad now,” and he shifted his hips against the other man. Carefully, Janus slowly pulled out until just the head of his cock was still inside before thrusting forward again. Virgil moaned loudly and his hands gripped Janus’ flushed skin. Janus moved down to capture Virgil’s lips in a breathless kiss as he moved his hips in and out. The younger man moaned against his lips and instinctively wrapped his legs around Janus’, holding him close as they made love slowly. 

Janus leaned his forehead against Virgil’s shoulder and reached down to rub his fingertips against Virgil’s clit as he continued to thrust and felt the man underneath him shudder. 

After several moments, Virgil desperately moaned, “Jan, please, need to come.” 

Janus thrust a little faster, moving his fingers in circles against Virgil’s swollen clit, “Come on baby, I wanna feel you come all over my cock, you’re so fucking tight and perfect, Vee, come on…” Janus murmured filthily into his ear. That was all it took, and Virgil was shaking and moaning, grinding up against Janus as his body shook and his pussy squeezed tightly around the hard cock inside him. Janus felt Virgil tighten around him and with a few more thrusts, he came, hips stuttering until they came to a stop.

After a moment, Janus pulled back slowly, easing his softening cock out of Virgil and he moved to pull off the condom. He stopped when he noticed red smearing his cock and after a moment he realized what had happened. 

He looked down to meet Virgil’s eyes, “Baby, did that hurt at all?” he asked, concerned. 

Looking a little confused, Virgil shook his head, “Not really, why?” he questioned. Janus pulled back to look down and saw a few small, red blotches staining the towel underneath Virgil’s hips. Virgil followed his gaze and realized what had happened, as well. 

“Fuck, I hoped I wouldn’t bleed since we’ve messed around before,” he said, feeling embarrassment creep across his skin. 

“Oh baby, I didn’t even think about it, I’m so sorry, Vee,” Janus said quickly, grasping Virgil’s hand with the one not holding the condom. “But you’re not hurt?” he questioned again and Virgil shook his head. 

Janus leaned in to kiss him before standing. “Wanna go get cleaned up?” he asked, holding out a hand to his boyfriend. Virgil nodded and took his hand, letting himself be led into the bathroom. 

“I’ll give you some privacy, Vee,” Janus said after he turned the shower on and stepped back. 

“I mean...you can stay if you want to,” Virgil said, cheeks flushing slightly, “it’s not like there’s anything you haven’t seen now,” he teased. 

Janus laughed, “You sure? I can grab a shower after you’re finished,” and Virgil held out one hand.

They slowly cleaned off their skin, quietly enjoying the closeness under the warmth of the shower. They shared more than a few kisses before they were done and were both happily exhausted by the time they stepped out to wrap in fluffy towels.

Ten minutes later they plopped onto the couch in the living room, skin clean and hair damp as they snuggled together in their pajamas. It was only 8:30, so they continued their alien show on Netflix and snuggled together contentedly late into the night. At one point, Virgil looked up into Janus’ bright green eyes and melted a little at the love he saw reflected there.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil expresses his excitement about the potential of the Sanders Sides series taking off on YouTube but Janus is quick to point out how risky it could be to rely on it for a career. Virgil gets pissed and believes this is the beginning of Janus realizing he's just a young, naive optimist.

“I’m really excited about the series starting to take off, I think maybe this could actually go somewhere!” Virgil said as he recounted the recent influx of subscribers after posting the first Sanders Sides video to YouTube.

“That’s great,” Janus said, sipping a glass of wine, “I’m so glad you’ve found a new hobby.”

Virgil blinked at him, “Jan, I really think this could end up being more than just a hobby,” he explained.

The older man raised an eyebrow, “Really? Isn’t that kind of a long shot, though?”

“I mean, yeah, but...I’m proud of the content I’m creating. And I’m nearly finished with my degree, I’m not just going to quit. Especially not when I’m this close to graduating,” Virgil pointed out.

“That’s a relief, for a second I thought you were going to tell me you were going to quit school and just make YouTube videos for a living,” Janus said lightly, “That would be pretty risky, not many people have continued success with that sort of thing.”

“It could be a nice side job, though,” Virgil said quietly, “People really seem to like the idea of the Sides.”

“I know they do, and that’s fantastic but it would be pretty irresponsible to just rely completely on something that may fizzle out in a few months,” Janus pointed out, leaning against the kitchen island to look across at Virgil.

“Don’t you believe that I can actually do this?” Virgil asked slowly, his brow furrowing.

“Yes, but you may get tired of it or run out of storylines, I’m just thinking about it from a practical standpoint, Vee,” Janus explained. He took another sip of wine before adding, “I don’t know why people think they can rely on YouTube to make a living, it’s so unpredictable. What happens to them is that’s their only source of income and YouTube disappears in a year or two when people get tired of it?”

Virgil sat at the kitchen island on one of the stools and looked down at his fingers, now twisting anxiously in the hem of his hoodie. He felt his teeth clench together as he thought about the exchange that had just taken place. His thoughts were swirling around and mixing together with the negative voices in his head about different interests, age differences and vastly different careers. Virgil felt his throat tightening and he took several deep breaths before something inside his chest snapped.

“You know what,” he said, “I think I’m just gonna head out.” He looked up to see Janus’ brow furrowed in confusion.

“What?” he asked, sounding surprised.

“I don’t particularly feel like having another deep conversation about my livelihood or my decisions, so I’m going to just head home. I’ll see you later, Jan.” Virgil’s tone was laced with irritation as he hopped off the stool, pushed it in, and headed towards the front door.

“Virgil, are you seriously running away right now because we had an honest conversation?” Janus asked, following the younger man as he spoke.

“I feel like there’s a pretty big difference between an honest conversation and you shitting on my career choices,” Virgil snapped as he scooped up his messenger bag and slung it over his head to rest on his shoulder.

“Ah, that’s very mature,” Janus said, his tone bordering on angry.

“You know what,” Virgil said, gripping the strap of his bag with both hands and looking up at the taller man, “I’ve never been bothered by our age difference because you’ve always treated me like an equal and not some naive kid. But I believe in the content I’m creating and all I want is for it to make a positive difference in someone’s life. I’ve always loved that you believed in it, too, but obviously that’s not the case. You sound just like my parents. I’m not some idiot who quit college to pursue YouTube, I’m one semester away from finishing my degree. And I kind of can’t believe you think that I would just throw away four years of hard work.”

Janus blinked at Virgil as the words sank in. “Jesus, Virgil, I sound like your parents?!” he repeated in disbelief, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“Yep, and I don’t need any more of that shit so I’ll see you later,” Virgil nodded as he turned to open the door. 

Janus followed him through the front door and out to the porch, “Uhh, then I guess let me grab my keys,” he said as he realized Virgil was actually making his way down the steps.

“I’ll call an Uber,” Virgil said, tugging up the purple hood over his head as he continued walking down.

“Virgil!” Janus called in disbelief, staring after the other man.

***

Janus: Virge, can we talk?

Janus: I feel like what I was trying to say came out completely wrong the other day. I’d like to try and explain.

Janus: Virgil, please, I feel terrible about what happened, we should try to talk about this.

Janus: It’s obvious you need some space. I’m sorry. 

***

Virgil was sitting in his usual chair in the corner of the coffee shop, lightly drawing along the lines of his notes for class. He blinked tiredly down at the pages in his lap and tried to refocus on the words he was attempting to study. He sighed and took a long drink of coffee as he mentally calculated how long he’d end up studying tonight before he could finally relax enough to go to sleep.

“Virge?” a deep, familiar voice asked hesitantly.

Virgil looked up and saw Janus standing near his chair, a coffee in his hand as he readjusted his bag over his shoulder. The younger man felt his heart flutter at the sight of the other man. He hadn’t returned any of Janus’ texts, not knowing what to say and feeling more confused as the days passed. It had almost been three weeks now since their argument in the kitchen. His heart ached every time he thought about the other man.

“Hey, Jan,” he finally said quietly.

“Um, how have you been? I haven’t talked to you in a while,” Janus asked, appearing to be at ease as he shoved one hand into his pocket.

Virgil blinked up at him. “I’ve been okay,” he lied. He had actually been a hot mess over the last few weeks as he shifted back and forth from feeling angry to feeling hopelessly sad. Depression was a bitch like that. “How are you?” he remembered to ask a moment later.

Janus gave a small, self-deprecating smile, “I’ve been a mess, actually. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what I said and I’ve been hoping maybe we could try to clear the air?”

Virgil bit his lip. He’d missed Janus so much. The time had stretched on and it felt like much longer than three weeks since they’d spoken. Finally he said, “I’m sorry I haven’t texted you back...I just haven’t known what to say.” He looked down at his lap.

“Well, you look like you’re busy studying so I’ll umm, I guess I’ll just catch you some other time,” Janus said awkwardly in a rush, taking a step back.

“Janus,” Virgil said quickly before the other man could turn to leave, “I was actually just sitting here thinking about how I needed to take a break from reading these, I have no idea what’s written on the pages anymore, I’m too tired and distracted.”

“Oh, well, you should let yourself take a break,” Janus supplied, shifting slightly on his feet and looking down.

“Do you want to go take a walk?” Virgil asked after a long moment of silence.

Janus looked startled but tried to school his surprised expression quickly before nodding, “That would be great.”

Virgil scooped up his notes and pencils before stuffing them into his messenger bag. He gripped the strap and set it on his shoulder as he stood. They walked across the large cafe and out the door onto the sidewalk.

They fell into step with one another quickly and headed towards the East Green of the campus. 

Janus’ hands were shoved into his pockets when he finally spoke, “I’ve been replaying our last conversation in my head over and over again,” he began, “And I realized that I sounded like a complete asshole.”

They continued walking and Virgil nodded, glancing up at the dark gray clouds that were forming over the top of the library and the houses dotting the small side street.

“I still don’t think it’s that safe to completely rely on YouTube for a living because we don’t know if it will be prominent forever but, I thought back and realized you were being very sensible about everything,” Janus glanced at Virgil before continuing. “And I’m sorry I reacted the way I did.”

Janus stopped walking and gently placed a hand on Virgil’s arm, “You’re smart and driven with everything you do, I should have realized you weren’t thinking about dropping out of college, especially when you’re this close to finishing everything,” he said quietly.

Virgil was about to answer when a huge clap of thunder echoed from overhead. They both glanced up, “Shit,” Virgil muttered as rain began to pelt down on his face. 

They were still quite far from Virgil’s apartment and Janus looked at him, grasping his hand, “Can we please keep talking about this in my car, it’s pretty close and I don’t want you to get soaked. Or even if you want to stop talking I’d be happy to drive you home.”

The rain was falling harder now and Virgil sighed, “Yeah...we can keep talking.”

Janus nodded and turned down the next sidewalk towards the street where he’d parked his car. 

“I’m sorry I got so upset with you,” Virgil said quietly as they walked quickly through the rain. He held his bag close, needing something to do with his hands as anxiety started creeping into his chest, once more. “I think I felt...I don’t know...young and stupid for bringing it up?” Virgil glanced over to Janus before continuing, “I’ve always loved that you don’t treat me like I’m younger than you are, and I think I just kind of...panicked and got pissed off when I thought you finally were thinking I was young and naive.”

“I can definitely see how it came across that way,” Janus agreed, sounding uncomfortable. 

The rain was soaking through their clothes by now and they hurried to Janus’ car a few feet up ahead. Janus unlocked the door and opened it for Virgil before going around to slide in on the other side.

“The last thing I ever want you to think is that I don’t believe in whatever you’re trying to accomplish, Vee,” Janus said softly as he turned to look over at the other man. “I was a total asshole and I feel like everything came out completely the wrong way, and I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

Virgil held his bag close to himself as he examined his shoes, trying to think of what to say next.

“Virge,” Janus said softly, “I know one conversation isn’t going to completely clear the air here but, do you think you’ll be able to forgive me?”

Virgil was quiet for a long moment. “I’m pretty sure I forgave you ten minutes ago,” the younger man said, turning to look at Janus. 

Janus’ eyebrows rose in surprise, his green eyes wide, “Really?”

Virgil just nodded, feeling a mixture of relief and exhaustion. “I’m sorry I didn’t text you back, Jan. I really should have, I just felt so...stupid for arguing with you and I wasn’t sure what to say.”

Janus laughed once, “Oh God, that’s…” he cut his thought off as he scrubbed both hands over his face. He sighed deeply before looking back to Virgil. “Thanks, Vee,” he finally said simply.

Virgil smiled slightly and looked back down at the bag in his lap.

“Can I drive you home?” Janus asked gently, “You look exhausted.”

Virgil snorted, “You don’t really look much better.”

“Gee thanks,” Janus deadpanned and Virgil laughed. Janus started the engine and pulled out onto the road. They spoke about inconsequential things on the drive to the apartment, careful to tread in safely so they wouldn’t say something that would ruin the fragile understanding they’d just achieved. 

Janus walked him to the door of his apartment and they looked at each other for a silent few moments. “I’m really glad we ran into each other,” Janus finally said, running a hand through his wavy hair. 

Virgil nodded, “Me too,” he agreed quietly. He looked up at the older man. Before he could think better of it, Virgil leaned forward to hug the taller man. Janus immediately wrapped his arms around Virgil and after a long pause pressed a kiss to the top of his hair. Virgil sighed contentedly as he inhaled the familiar scent of Janus’ cologne.

“Do you want to come inside?” Virgil asked quietly, pulling back just enough to look up at Janus.

Janus laughed, “Only If I’m not keeping you from studying or sleeping,” he said, grinning.

Virgil shook his head, “I’m beat, I don’t think I can stand to look at my notes anymore,” he smiled, stepping back. He dug his keys out of his bag and unlocked the door to his studio apartment. Opening the door, he took Janus’ hand in his own and led him inside.

Shutting the door behind them and locking it out of habit, Virgil set his things down on his kitchen table. “Any chance I could talk you into watching a movie?” Virgil asked. Janus smiled, “Always.”

Ten minutes later they were leaning back against a mountain of pillows on Virgil’s bed, watching some Indie horror movie. 

“Can I hold you, Vee?” Janus asked quietly, running a gentle hand down Virgil’s arm.

Virgil hummed and immediately snuggled up against the other man and felt strong arms surround him. 

“God, I’ve missed you so much,” Janus whispered into Virgil’s hair as one hand moved up and down his back in a soothing motion. 

Virgil felt tears clog his throat and he tightened his arms around the other man, “Me too,” he said, his voice sounding choked. 

Janus pulled back to look at Virgil’s face and he was quick to brush away the tears that had begun to slip down his cheeks. 

“Sorry, it’s just been a really long three weeks,” Virgil offered in explanation for the tears, turning to wipe some of the dampness from his face with his sleeve, “I’m so sorry, Jan.”

“Oh, baby, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I was an idiot and took my terrible mood out on you.” Janus pressed a kiss to Virgil’s forehead.

“So...are we okay now?” Virgil asked, holding his breath slightly for the answer.

“I’m okay if you are, Vee,” Janus reassured him, tightening his arms around the smaller man as he held him close to his chest.

They lay in comfortable silence for a long while, barely watching the movie and mainly focusing on the person lying next to them. 

“Jan, will you stay with me tonight?” Virgil eventually murmured hopefully.

“Of course I will, if you really want me to,” Janus reassured him. Virgil pulled back just enough to make eye contact with the older man and smiled tiredly. Janus smiled back and leaned in very slowly to kiss Virgil softly. 

They broke apart and looked at each other for a long moment as Janus brushed the hair out of Virgil’s face. “Jan…” Virgil murmured, trailing off, unsure of what he was even asking.

Janus leaned down and caught Virgil in another kiss, threading his fingers through his hair and teasing open his bottom lip with his tongue. Virgil gasped and let him in, sweeping his tongue slowly over the older man’s as he dug his fingers into the material of his dress shirt. Janus moaned quietly and placed one hand at the back of Virgil’s head and the other on the middle of his back. He leaned forward, their lips still attached as he carefully lowered Virgil off the mountain of pillows and down onto the mattress.

Virgil moaned and shifted his body as Janus leaned down to trail kisses along his jaw and over to his ear. “Jan,” Virgil breathed again, his hands tracing over his shoulders and down his back.

“Is this okay, baby?” Janus asked breathlessly, pulling back to meet Virgil’s eyes. Virgil nodded vigorously and surged up to kiss him again. Janus pressed down and slotted their hips together before rolling them. Virgil arched up and felt Janus’ cock pressing against his thigh through their clothing.

The moment Virgil reached up to unbutton Janus’ shirt, he felt fingertips brushing against his waistband and tracing under the hem of his shirt. Virgil shoved the fabric of the shirt down Janus’ toned arms and immediately felt his own hoodie and shirt being torn up and away from his body. Their kisses were growing frantic, tongues pressing in and exploring as they tugged at buttons and zippers of clothing. Strong fingers were tugging the fabric down Virgil’s thighs and he lifted his hips as they were pulled off. 

The last pieces of clothing were tugged off and tossed onto the floor quickly and Virgil spread his legs to allow Janus to slot his body between them. 

“God damn it, I missed you so much,” Janus murmured roughly, his voice suddenly sounding choked as he moved to nibble at the junction between Virgil’s shoulder and neck.

“Jan?” Virgil asked, slightly concerned at the other man’s tone of voice. He cupped the other man’s face and their eyes met. 

Janus’ bright green eyes were glassy with unshed tears, “I’m so sorry, baby, I really am,” he whispered.

“Hey, I know, and it’s okay, we’re fine now,” Virgil tried to reassure the man laying on top of him, stroking his fingers through his dark, wavy hair. Janus shut his eyes and buried his face into Virgil’s neck, sighing heavily. Virgil felt hot tears fall onto his skin and he turned their bodies so they were laying on their sides, facing each other. Virgil whispered sweet nothings to the older man as he alternated pressing soft kisses anywhere he could reach without unwrapping his arms. 

“I’m sorry,” Janus whispered again through his tears, tightening his arms around Virgil so they were pressed against each other as closely as possible.

“Hey Jan, let’s just go to sleep,” Virgil suggested gently, “we can always try this again tomorrow when we’re a little calmed down.”

Janus nodded defeatedly against Virgil’s neck and took a deep breath. After several moments, Virgil noticed the older man was shaking in his arms. He was trying to get his crying under control, mortified that he couldn't stop the tears. “I really thought that I lost you,” he choked out.

“I know, I was afraid I lost you, too,” Virgil murmured, tracing soothing patterns across the other man’s broad shoulders and down his back. Virgil paused long enough to tug a blanket over their bodies.

A long while later, Janus was able to control his breathing enough to calm down but he kept his face buried against Virgil’s neck. “Sorry,” he muttered, sniffing slightly.

Virgil pressed a kiss to Janus’ forehead and tangled their legs together, “No worries, God knows you’ve held me while I’ve been upset lots of times, it’s about time I returned the favor,” he murmured soothingly. There was more he wanted to say but he felt himself drifting off to sleep easily for the first time in weeks. 

“Night,” he whispered, “I’m so happy you’re here.” Janus hummed in agreement and they snuggled a little closer.


End file.
